Paradise is You
by Baby Darth Dalloway
Summary: Emily needs to move on and let go of Ali and all of her lies, but it seems that Alison is not, or will never be ready, to give up the young woman's heart. What happens when the girls pull away from Alison, and how do Emily and Ali move forward? EMISON. Based on SPOILERS from 5x10-5x12. Different writing style than my usual stories. R&R please and thank you!


Paradise Is You

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This is not my usual style, but it was what I was feeling in terms of flow/ organization...

This contains SPOILERS. Fic title is also the song by La Roux off her new album. :)

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Emily left Ali's porch fuming, the girl calling after her nearly in tears. Emily was finished. After all of the lies, all of the games, the chaotic storm Alison seemed to be dragging them into, Emily had to let go. Walking away from Alison meant closing the door on her for good, knowing that it was only a matter of time before the soft side Alison had been showing them would harden.

* * *

Paige walked into the Brew dressed to the nines, and Emily couldn't help but be attracted to her lean body in that tight black dress. She had never seen her style quite so femme, and part of her realized how soft and kind Paige was. Emily wanted to get lost in the softness, but she let her go off on her date, complimenting her as she went. Emily wanted to feel safe, and Paige was always safe for her.

* * *

Paige showed up the next night, telling her she could barely make it through her date since she spent the night thinking about Emily. Paige asked her about the voicemail where Emily nearly told her she loved her. She asked if Emily still loved her, and all Emily could do was nod silently as tears dripped down her face. Paige pulled her in for a kiss, smiling, and Emily let her tears flow. Paige failed to ask if she was the only one taking up space in Emily's heart, but in that moment, Emily let herself be loved.

* * *

While breaking into Radley and uncovering more dark secrets about Ali and her family, the girls teamed up with Mona. Alison was officially ostracized from the Liars, but it didn't matter. With CeCe and Noel on her side, along with several other people among her blackmailing list, Alison was not afraid. Emily walked to school with Paige that morning, witnessing CeCe dropping Alison off at school, Noel on her arm. CeCe was lucky to have had her name cleared. Emily's gaze met Alison's, and for a brief moment their roles were back to what they used to be; Alison's gaze full of ferocity, Emily's full of sad hesitance. Paige kept them moving forward, throwing a glare back at Alison. Alison felt even more enraged by her friends betraying her, and deeply hurt that Emily had left her as well. Alison saw red. This meant war.

* * *

Emily and Paige were busy decorating the Fields home for Christmas after finally reestablishing their relationship. Hanna ran over to join them with Caleb, the couple chatting with Emily. They were all concerned about Alison's master plan, knowing it was only a matter of time before she went after the girls for leaving her behind. As Mona had warned them, Alison's nice act would not last for long. Emily looked off sadly. Even if she was strong enough to not give in to Alison's flirtations and game, she was not strong enough to stop loving her. She briefly wondered if she ever would be.

* * *

All of the Liars decided to rent a cabin for the Ice Ball, excited by the prospect of spending time with their honeys. Emily enjoyed Paige's Santa Clause boxers as her legs sashayed towards her, leaning over Emily on the bed, planting a kiss on her lips. Emily wrapped her arms over the taller girl's shoulders, letting herself be taken as Paige pressed into her. She wished she could live in this happy bubble with Paige forever, but Alison was not going to remain a distant memory. Paige would never hurt Emily, and Emily did love her. But there was no comparison. She would never be completely in love, completely enamored with Paige, as she was with Alison. Emily let Paige top her, take care of her, make love to her, but she knew this love could never fill her heart, not while a section of is was already locked up and put on reserve for someone else.

* * *

The Ice Ball commenced, and everyone from Rosewood seemed to be there. A had been sending them texts all evening, but only when a threat of one less liar was sent did the girls go into full panic mode. Paige ran off to check on something with Caleb, leaving Emily on the dance floor with her phone. Emily's concerned expression scanned the room in fright as she searched for golden locks, and her brown eyes collided with watchful sapphires. She felt the breath she was holding release as Alison's eyes penetrated her, reading her body language. Emily quickly broke the gaze, walking away briskly, not wanting Alison to see what was behind her eyes and what lay in her heart. Alison's curious gaze broke when her phone went off too, and after reading another of A's threats, she glanced back towards Emily's retreating form, the reality hitting her that Emily wasn't just looking to make sure just any of the liars were okay.

* * *

Hanna was a basket case when the funeral rolled around, blaming herself for Mona's death by A's hands during the Ice Ball. The girls seemed no closer to finding out who A was, and things were only worsened by the fact that Mona's army was replaced by both Jenna and Ali's army's. The funeral seemed to be a drawing of battle lines, and Emily turned her gaze backwards, catching Alison's watchful gaze on her back. Electricity passed between them, Alison now knowing Emily may have left her, but her heart was still with her. Emily whipped her head back around, grabbing Paige's hand, her girlfriend obliviously wrapping an arm around her in the belief she was comforting her grief, Emily settling into the comfort while her heart ached inside.

* * *

School seemed to push on with only one semester left. Before Emily knew it, she would be out of Rosewood, if she could survive that is. This new A did seem to have it out for Ali specifically, but whoever they were, they planned to bring down everybody as well, this A's rage unlike anything they had seen before. Emily kept her thoughts to herself as she watched her girlfriend destroy the competition at the meet, clapping from her place next to the coach. It still hurt her deep down to watch Paige win, but she would never say so. Her eyes glanced towards the stands and she saw two blondes watching everything carefully, Alison gazing back to her. Why was it whenever she looked up, Alison was there? Why couldn't the blonde just let her go? Those blue eyes wondered why brown ones couldn't accept that she'd always be there, waiting for her to look into them.

* * *

Another act of terrorism struck, and once again Rosewood was greeting the season of spring with a sea full of black dresses and suits, A taking down the last member of the NAT Club. Alison was distraught looking throughout the entire ceremony. After, Emily escaped her friends, she made her way towards the private bathroom, walking in on Alison in tears at the mirror. The blonde's head shot up, ready to tear anyone a new one for entering during her moment of vulnerability. Emily could only look concerned, and as she saw Ali's face scrunch up in pain, she rushed over to her, wrapping her up in her arms, letting her sob into her shoulder. Alison was wrapped in so many intricate layers… sometimes Emily forgot how human she was after all. She stroked her blonde locks, rocking her back and forth, whispering that it would all be okay. Emily felt the locked door of her heart rattling, her feelings for Alison begging to come out. She wouldn't allow that though. She knew this was all they would ever have; moments of truth amidst a sea of lies and misery. There could never be a happy ending for them… Alison however felt differently, and took solace in the fact that strong arms still continued to be there for her, time after time.

* * *

Paige watched Emily zone out, a commonality of late as their senior year was in its last quarter. Things in Rosewood had always been chaotic, but Paige had never seen Emily quite like this. She watched her curiously as they sat in the library studying until a loud laugh jilted Emily from her stupor. Paige watched Emily, the girl's eyes planted firmly on a blonde flirting with some moron at the front desk. It wasn't until Alison whipped her hair back and gazed towards them that Emily ducked her head back down. Paige's eyes caught Alison's ones, and she felt a chill run down her spine, the glare of domination that Ali had used to use on her back in full throttle. The blonde took her exit, Paige watching her leave, and she couldn't help but observe that her girlfriend's expression had become wearier than ever. An ache in Paige's heart made her realize that her suspicions from last semester were right when Emily had been talking to her about Alison when the girls was believed to be dead… Emily had yet to let go of Alison…as Paige looked at her pained expression, she realized Emily never would.

* * *

Spencer asked Emily what was wrong, and the girl explained that Paige and her could not stop fighting. It didn't matter if it was about their future, swimming or Alison. Emily attempted to sweep every question, every how are you, under the rug. She didn't want to talk. She didn't want to talk about her shoulder, about her swimming career being in the toilet. She didn't want to talk about going to a second rate college out west to be with her girlfriend instead of taking a year off to go abroad for Habitat. She didn't want to talk about the fact she still hadn't told Zoey no to the trip. She didn't want to talk about it hurting more to leave a certain blonde behind than it would be to leave her girlfriend. The last thing Emily wanted to dwell on was Alison. The last thing she wanted was to admit she couldn't stop doing it anyway.

* * *

Of course graduation would bring everything to a close, both in the girls high school careers and their A nightmare. Alison and Spencer's half sister Mary Dilaurentis, the twin of CeCe Drake, was responsible for the murders of half of Ali's family, and was eventually caught when CeCe divulged the secret she wore she would keep hidden for Mrs. Dilaurentis. Thinking keeping the secret safe would keep her safe, CeCe realized the game needed to end as Mary wanted her just as dead as everyone else, and she and the rest of the liars nearly lost their lives after information Mona left behind let them know where they needed to be. In the end, all that was left was bleeding bodies, one dead girl, and story no one could believe happened.

* * *

Paige supported Emily through to July, but eventually confronted her. Emily could only look down, refusing to look her in the eyes.

"You can't even admit it to yourself, can you?"

Emily's silence was all the confirmation Paige needed. Emily's heart had never really belonged to her. A certain blonde had stolen it long ago, and as much as Emily wanted it back, she knew it was out of her control. Paige could only wish her the best as she walked out of Emily's life, forever.

* * *

The month of July was awkward for everyone. Spencer would be going to UPenn, Aria to Hollis, and Hanna to New York to study at one of its top fashion institutes. Emily, after carefully thinking it over and discussing it with her mother, chose to finally go abroad for Habitat, hoping to take a college course or two and bring her SAT's up so she could have more of a choice in whatever college she wanted to go to once she completed her year of service. Breaking the news to her friends that she would not be in the tri-state area like the rest of them for the next year was hard, but they understood. Out of everyone, Emily didn't have a lover, a support. Emily was heartbroken, confused, and she needed to leave. She made the best decision for herself, and that was to go.

* * *

Emily was running home late in the afternoon in early August when she noticed a car parked outside of her house across the street. She slowed down, the driver door opening to reveal a bronzed Alison Dilaurentis, the girl having left the country with CeCe ever since the graduation debacle. Emily felt her heart stop. All she could do was look at Ali's reserved face. She hated that her heart still fluttered in _that_ way for her. Her Habitat project was only a month away though. She just needed to make it until then, and so she walked into her house, leaving the blonde beauty outside, Alison's blue eyes sadly watching her go.

* * *

Alison called Emily day every single day after that, sometimes waiting for her at different spots on her running route, sometimes being back outside the house. She had heard through the grapevine that Emily was taking a year off to go abroad, and Alison couldn't stand the thought of her being _that_ far away from her, so far away that she would not see her, not hear about her, not know if she was okay. She needed to talk to Emily. She needed to at least try.

* * *

Emily was running in late August by this point, her trip only a week away. She had already helped move all of her friends in, from Spencer in Philly to Hanna in New York, leaving Aria for last since she was so close. Emily decided to stop at the Brew, enjoying the quiet evening, figuring a walk would be a good end to her nightly running routine, coffee in hand. As she exited the Brew, a certain blonde stalker was outside, and this time Alison wasn't taking no for an answer.

"You're going to Africa for an entire year," she stated rather than asked. Emily stared at her directly, fearful a single word would be enough to give herself back to this woman.

"I need to leave. I need some time for myself." Ali nodded at her. She walked over to Emily, presenting her with a small pouch, which the taller girl took hesitantly, instantly recognizing it for what it was.

"It's like the last one…" Emily opened the pouch slowly, her name on a newly embroidered bracelet, a shiny blue glimmering back at her. She looked back at Ali, who spoke again.

"I got one for me too… I need time too, Em. But promise me…" Ali's hesitant and frightened eyes looked back at the brunette, begging for her to understand. She took one step closer, gently taking the bracelet back, shifting Emily's wrist to stick out so she could be the one to put it on her wrist this time.

"Promise me, when you get back…you'll give me a chance. At least a chance at a conversation, if nothing else," she whispered, finishing tying the knot, her blue eyes looking back into Emily's. Emily looked at her, and all she could do was let herself have this moment, because as history told, moments were what they had in a sea of chaos.

She leaned forward, cupping Alison's cheek, the blonde completely stunned by the soft kiss. It was brief, but Emily pulled away and rested her head against Alison's.

"I'll see you in a year."

Emily tore herself away and walked back towards her house, hands too shaky now for the coffee she had just purchased. She had no idea what was to come, had no idea if that kiss was one last goodbye or a promise at a new beginning. All she could do was keep walking, knowing her path for now was the right one, even if it was the harder one to travel.

* * *

Emily loved Africa. She loved working towards something good. She loved helping people, feeling like the walls and damage that had been built up over the years were softening now that A was truly gone. She felt amazing that she could influence people's lives in a _positive_ way. But still… Zoey noticed something was not quite right with her. Emily still had something to address, and whatever it was, it would not go away until Emily acknowledged it. Emily thanked Zoey for telling her, and it was then that Emily finally began to seriously reflect on the last several years, and on her feelings for her first love.

* * *

It was two months into her trip before she began writing letters to Alison. It was easier to write to her, because she could be honest. She wanted explanations, she wanted to get the anger out of her, she wanted to accept the past and put it behind her. Emily could not hold on any longer, and since she was writing rather than speaking, she felt like she could finally be honest.

* * *

The very tanned brunette was in her fourth month before she finally heard back from Alison, having sent her a letter a week since the first one in an attempt to sort out her feelings. When Emily opened the letter, it was as if she was reading Ali's diary entries once again, the blonde telling her everything, some dark details she never wanted to know. It was always easier to communicate with paper than it was a face, but both girls had each other's faces in mind as they wrote to each other.

* * *

Alison was surprised to receive a letter from Emily at first. She was also scared, knowing the girl probably did not have good things to say, and if she were to continue this correspondence, there would not be positive things to say for quite some time. It didn't matter though. Ali read every single letter, and even though it hurt, she responded as soon as she felt ready to. She wanted Emily, there was no question about that. She was scared though, because she could not pretend or fake this… she had to be real with Emily, as much as it pained her, if she ever wanted a real future with the love of her life.

* * *

Their correspondence was tense at first, tense for several months, both girls hashing out every lie ever told, every betrayal. It hurt, but that's what growing pains are. It was cathartic too, a necessity, both women not realizing that they needed it until it actually began. While Emily built houses and helped people, Alison was studying for her GED and taking classes at Hollis. She wanted to be ready to go. Deep down, she wanted to be wherever Emily would be, and that meant being prepared. CeCe had been the sister she always was, supporting Alison through her transition when people in town would still throw a glare her way. Alison hoped that maybe, just maybe, Emily and she did have a shot… maybe they could runaway, forever. If not to Paris, than somewhere, somewhere only they would know.

* * *

Emily passed her two online courses, her SAT's growing to a score that could put Spencer Hastings to shame. Emily was accepted into several universities, one being Brown. After speaking with the coach, they stated it would be possible for Emily to do rehab and by sophomore or junior year, swim again. Emily was thrilled, her life was finally coming together again, even if it took the scenic route to get there. She communicated her good news to Alison, sadly realizing she may not have that conversation with her that she promised outside of the Brew, wondering if the blonde felt as deep a longing as she did. Emily wanted that conversation, but she also wondered if it was meant to happen… how did one know when to let go… was it true? Did letting go, in order for someone to come back to you, mean that they were always yours? Or are you supposed to fight to the death? Emily didn't know anymore.

* * *

Alison couldn't have been more thrilled to get accepted into every school she applied, including every single one Emily told her she had applied to. The day of Emily's return was near, and Alison wrote her one last letter, reminding her of Pip and Estelle, telling Emily she had Great Expectations of her own to fill. She didn't want to tell Emily the news. She wanted Emily to go in letting go of everything because Alison needed the same. There would always be a darkness that haunted them, but when it came to starting a romantic relationship anew, Alison made a firm decision. Come hell or high water, she would not let anything touch their love. Never again.

* * *

The last letter Emily read from Ali made her feel empty, and as she returned to the United States, seeing her friends and family, she couldn't help but wonder what happened to the blonde. Mr. Dilaurentis informed Emily she had went on a trip with CeCe a week prior to Emily returning, Emily thinking Alison had let her go for good this time. She could only sigh out, feeling that perhaps maybe it was clean slate with college starting up. Maybe it was time for her to move on. Still, she kept the bracelet with her. She could let go of Ali, maybe in time, but not right now. She knew she could never forget her.

* * *

Emily wandered through the Brown campus, the humid summer evening setting in the distance. Her mother had finally left with Hanna, Emily thrilled to have an awesome roommate and a fresh start. She circled her arms over herself and found a bench looking out over the ocean. She couldn't believe her life had turned out this way, that it had brought her here. Each year in high school, she would have told you she was going to be doing something completely different in her future than she was right now. Granted, she also would never have predicted several psycho stalkers would be out hunting her. She guessed that perhaps the future was unpredictable.

She continued to stare out, oblivious to the soft footsteps that were near. She didn't realize anyone was close until someone sat down next to her. She wondered briefly who would interrupt someone so seemingly lost in thought. The soft scent that floated through the air to her nose gave her the answer. There was only one person who would do such a thing, and had always been, so intrusive of her thoughts.

Alison sat silently, looking out at the ocean. She felt calm for the first time in a long time. The folded hands in her lap unclenched, and she turned to Emily, the girl smiling at her knowingly, Ali returning the gaze with a smirk. She held her hand out to Emily, the matching bracelet adorning her wrist. Emily looked down, and smiled nostalgically. As she had thought before this long lost stranger had sat down, the future was unpredictable. Emily looked back towards the ocean smiling even bigger now. Ali thought it a rejection at first, until long and lithe tanned fingers slid through her own, grasping her. She looked down, smiling to herself, clenching back gently.

The girls sat quietly with each other, the past of Rosewood and A seemingly so far away now as they watched the sun setting over the ocean. There were no more lies to be told, no more games to be played. They could never erase what had transpired in the past, but on the same token, they could never erase how they felt about one another. They knew they were the loves of each other's lives.

Right now, they finally had one another, and deep down, that was all they had ever wanted.

* * *

Hi Everyone! So… I have no idea where this came from. I think it was inspired by the damn Paily photos of 5x11/5x12, along with the promos for 5x10 and the synopsis for the season finale. Ali's Army? Liars turning their back on her?! WTF!

So… I had some moodiness to deal with, along with confusion. I think Emily is deeply confused and conflicted… Honestly, I think all of the girls are. Trust Ali or do not trust Ali? I really hope that Ali is confused about her feelings for Emily rather than using her. I read in brief some Emison sections within the book series and it was not very promising as Ali used her like crazy. I'm SO so glad the show went a different route with Emily's character! (And all of the girls characters truthfully….)

I have never really written in a style like this before, but felt it was appropriate. I wanted to capture moments of thought rather than write a novel, if that makes sense. Either way, let me know if you loved it or hated it, reviews help keep me going. I'm hoping to start working on my new multi-chap fic tomorrow, but we'll see how many people are interested in that based on reviews! ^_^ (that doesn't mean you have to say only positive things in the review, criticism is WELCOME, though desired to be phrased kindly).

Thank you for the ongoing support if you're still reading what I produce! I'm intrigued to see Alison's Army in action. Honestly, I'm down to see some bad ass Alison back from the dead. Sasha is amazing. Anywho, thanks for reading! :D


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